Amber Eyes

Aaahh sickness!

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 04:32:02 GMT

I am driven crazy by my unability to sleep, and the search for the perfect web host. I love blogdrive, but I don't want to renew my account when it expires. So I'm looking in vain for something with somewhat the same features at no cost. Yeah good luck to me....

Invitation

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 22:21:55 GMT

I am so flabergastedly happy! My good friend from work decided to invite me to her wedding! She kept telling me she was only inviting a very few friends and some family not even her entire family! So that she invited after only knowing me for 9 months really truly suprises me.

So now I get to shop for ideas for her wedding gift and it will have to be something very unique and that both of them can use or stare at, wether it�s utilatarian or decorative. Any ideas? Please comment! We had such a busy day, retail is a lot of fun during the Xmas madness, or incredibly frustrating however you choose to look at it. But for the majority people are still cheerful and still willing to negotiate and wait with patience. I give them another 2 weeks. Jingle bells�.., jingle bells��.., get the hell out of my way!!!! Ah the things we do for our loved ones, walk all over some poor shop clerks and yell at your fellow customers, finger the driver who just cut you off because they just HAVE to get the special edition action figure RIGHT friggin� NOW! Oh the peace, ah the joy, not really on earth is it?
But for now, we still get smiles and appreciation, even some pats on the backs. I so love my job�.

Homefront

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 18:47:03 GMT

I am looking for a roomate still. I am getting edgy in fact I do beleive I will design posters today to post up at the college. This is cause for major stress at the moment and I can't wait until I've got this figured out. My child is playing in her room, she is so happy and unawares that things have changed between her father and I. That soon we will be mainly on our own, although he will always be there for her and will continue to help me for some years.

My poor love, I hope he will be better and that this opportunity to work out of this town will teach him and heal his wounds. Be strong, love will come to you again.

Catty lil me

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 05:08:25 GMT

Ah! The stress of envionsioning the future of my next 6 months is reminiscent of all the nightmares that have been plaguing me in the last 6 months. I guess I'm coming full circle and they are all coming to reality.

Truly that sucks some big bag of pure ass. Oddly enough my work has not been affected, in fact you could say I've been getting better and building a reputation for myself, a good one, for once. I'll be getting keys, meaning I'm next in line for Manager In Training (MIT). That's swell, at least the paycheck will be. Having to survive by any means possible is changing me. A year ago this would have been paralyzingly terrorising. Today, I can only go forwards, and still try to forge on for my dreams.

At least I would have known that even though I haven't succeeded at making some of my childhood dreams come true, I tried and found new ones along the way. And for once this doesn't even sound like a hill of bullshit.

Day Of Remembrance

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 03:15:28 GMT

I never really understood this day when I was in elementary school. And I understand it even less. I do mourn for those who have died for the sake of peace, to end useless, pointless suffering. And yet, look around the world a bit and you'll see we still have such a long way to go. With the war in the middle east raging still (although the media coverage has lessened quite a bit...), and many others we have no notice of as we have little use for their reasons or existance in our daily selfish lives...
So then? What's the point of remembering something; a worthy powerful cause, that has never been completely resolved. Now we wage war under the guise of peace! How ignoble! How grotesque! Why don't more people see this? I now view this 11th of the 11th month as a parody, a joke that our leaders like to use to fool us, to blind their people, or at least most of them.

Yes people have died, courageous strong souls, but hey guess what? Many still are, and many more who have never known peace at all. Think on that.

Roomy

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 01:27:57 GMT

I'm in dire need of a roomate as I don't want to move out of my home, that is my ultra comfy appartment. I'm very much established here and what's more I'm sick of moving. My ex spouse is moving to a small city nearby to start a new career, great for him, great for both of us. Distance will permit us to move forward and go on with life whithout each other as lovers. Although forever partners family wise. I wish my dear best friend would be more reliable and ready to stand up for what she wants. But she stills gets easily persuaded by her family, experts at guilt tripping. Ugh! I am still secure that this will remain my own and someone suitable will join me. Secretly I'd hope for a cute male friend, but that's probably not such a great idea... But I can keep my wishes in my hottest sweatiest dreams..

Not Trying to Hurt You

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 22:10:41 GMT

I realize you'll probably delete this on sight. But I did want to let you know nothing I said was meant to hurt you.

I do understand your reaction, I've done the same faced with these seeming accusations, even though people just wanted to help me. I really do want you to realize certain things, you do need to dig deeper in your depression, and to know that you have value simply because of who you are, and not because you are any better or worse than anyone else.

I may have been angry when I last replied, but I am allowed to express anger and I thought you should know. As my friend I would have hoped you would have been understanding or forgiving.

But you may not be able to be so right now. Maybe even never...

Goodbye, I wish your last words hadn't been so painful, but I did hurt you, even if it wasn't the intention. Should I send this? I will, of course I will. But I'll preserve it too, to remind me why we don't speak and why I can't contact you again.

I guess this is more for me than for you. Unless you do read this...

We hurt those we love, and sometimes we smack the truth on them to try to save them, because we love them so. You don't want any of this, but didn't you crave it?

I'll try to 'send' someone else that may be more successful than I could be. Even though you'd refuse my attention, my pain, my cares I'll still be with you. I can't escape it.

May light find you.

Anger

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 20:53:39 GMT

I cannot begin to say how sadly disapointed in your love I am. You cannot face the truths of yourself and when I call you on it, you slash me to pieces with words and refuse to ever see me again or reply to any more messages.

I spoke truth and obviously your mind knows, but it rebels against it and now you've shut me out again. I've come to the decision that I am quite done with you. I am shutting the door of my heart on both you and my other love. It's time to open myself to possibilities I haven't encountered yet.

I often wonder what the point of living is when there's a cost to it. How can anyone put a price on your basic right to live? But that is why they educate us, to make sure we can make a living and contribute to this grand tribe. However corrupt it is, it is still our way of living, and one can only change it by being an active part of it. It took me many years to understand this, even after so many tried make me see. Now I understand, and I hope against your wish of dying, fleeing, that you come to this same conclusion.

Homo Floresiensis

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 05:50:58 GMT

HUMAN ANCESTOR

The discovery: The bones of a human dwarf species marooned on the remote Indonesian island of Flores between 95,000 and 12,000 years ago while modern humans rapidly developed elsewhere.
Best specimen: One tiny adult female, measuring about 3 feet tall.
Implications: Flores Man smashes the conventional wisdom that modern humans began to crowd out other upright-walking species 160,000 years ago.
Skeptics: Some researchers say Flores Man doesn't belong in the genus Homo at all, even if it was a recent contemporary.

Too cool huh? I wish they would make up their minds already, but we'll have to wait at least a decade to know for sure! Oh well... I guess it's better this way then to say something and be like "....well actually we stupid fools wer'e kinda wrong and awww this is what we think now..."

For full article go here--> CNN Scientists uncover possible new species of human

Samhain Circle

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 22:22:41 GMT

Was full of fun and very therapeutic. I don't feel such an urge to find a male companion, alhtough it is still there, how can it not? My sensuality is so much a part of who I am. The spiral dance was something I had done before but only as fun, not as an incantation, and that was truly powerful, and fun. Proving that powerful forces can be just as meaningful and strong through play.

I received a tarot reading, of which I'm still thinking about. I do feel a tad more at peace, at least I know I'm not insane. I've honored my dearly departed, which has brought me another kind of peace. A deeper spiritual one. I was glad to meet the new faces, and was sad not to see others that are usually present. But our circle is getting strong and exciting. With people of different backgrounds, offering different things.

I am on the sick side right now and feel crappy it's difficult to write in this mood. So I think I'll leave it at that.

While I wait...

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 21:46:40 GMT

I will be enjoying my 2 whole entire days off! OFF I say! Ha ha ha ha ha....

And will be carving a pumpkin with my wee one. Baking with said pumpkin insides and salting the seeds, and I have to find a recipe for my apples too. It's going to be a domestic weekend, but then again it usually is whenever I get to stay home, I do homey things.
Here's a recipe for my pumpkin bars, inspired by a recipe from ivillage.com.

Pumpkin Cake or Bar (imagine a pumpkin brownie)
Serving:12
Prep time:15-20 mins
Cooking: 30 mins
Ingredients:
3/4 cup sugar 1 cup canned or cooked pumpkin
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup all-purpose flour 2 eggs (beaten! )
1 1/2 tsp pumpkin spice
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp orange extract
1 tsp baking powder
Here I ask to be creative, add nuts and your favorite dried fruits; cut into small pieces.
Directions: Mix it all up in a big bowl! Spread in 9X9" lightly greased pan (or whatever you have). Bake at 350 degrees celsius for 30 mins. Cool and sprinkle with confectioner's sugar or be creative I tell you! Cut into 12 squares. Gobble up!

Yummy in your tummies!

Lost lover again

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 22:09:11 GMT

So I knew I shouldn't have gone. Now you have ended us, yet again.

I'm not sure what to say I've already said my peace. I hurt, but no where near like the first time. Take away your sweet embrace, renounce my warmth. Make me cry, make me lonely, you won't change what we are to each other.

That's all.

Cold White Crap

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 23:28:33 GMT

Well there has been some friendly traffic come my way! Thanks guys, or gals is it?

I have been added to the artistic ones clique, yay! I am going to add more pics in the digital area as soon as my project are finished. Exciting stuff... Well for me anyhow.

My present lover is in a mood today, and it's the only day this week I can go see him. Therefore I will go, but at what price? Should I cancel, should I play with him? I'm a mood to play, to tease and torment. He makes like he doesn't like it, but then he tells me he doesn't want a passive girl either. I do believe he is split minded, double faced. Oh well I don't mind, I'm much the same way. We have no strings on each other, yet he didn't tell me he didn't want to see me... Or did he? Maybe I should phone again just to be sure, or will he be doubly annoyed? Why am I acting like a girl in love?

Because dear, you don't want a boyfriend, so this arrangement is perfect, yet you can't deny how strongly he makes you feel and react... Time will tell, time will tell.

On an ending note, we're freezing already! We have ten centimeters of snow, and I was hoping the white crap whould only show up after Samhain.... Oh well, I'm feeling the unneasiness of winter slothness already. By the Lady this should be a time for heavy reflection, and in a way I guess it couldn't have come in a better time. I need to think, but I also want things to be done and over with, ah silly impatience!

I have not, I cannot,

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 23:36:34 GMT

Seem to get over the absolute thrill and ecstasy your sex has given me. You were not going to give in, and yet you have, you don't want to love me and yet you body does. Your mind finds me foolish and much like the rest, yet some unconscious need yearns for me. You don't understand it, thus you think it unnecessary. Then you walk me to your door and take my face into both palms and kiss me goodbye. You say we are but enjoying flesh, yet you are tender in demeanor and almost forlorn that I leave.

I may not win your love, outright in the daylight, but we will know I have it by moonlight.

I hope your quest for a true soul doesn't destroy you so much that you end up with a girl far less perfect than I would have been. For then I will weep for you. Even though we leave possesion behind, you know who I come back to. My brother, my lover, my true friend.

So much suffering you still go through, why the lack of action? Why the silence, when your anger is brewing even as you sit and give me subtle clues.

We are both in such a whirlpool of dirty water, who knows how we may come out? Either together or apart, you will forever be in my heart of hearts. My most delicious and delirious secret.

A Superman dies

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 04:39:50 GMT

Christopher Reeve has passed away this sunday.
May your light shine forth and illuminate the warring fighters of hope.

I simply cannot find anything else to add, it is a vibrant loss to many of us who were inspired by this powerful and courageous man. His legacy will be carried on by his family and hopefully by generations to come.

On another note, I was reading an article in witchvox on how the States' Office of Faith Based and Community Initiatives, does not keep track of which faith based organization they sent money to for charitable work, that aren't Christian in nature. Which brings the question, do they only send money to Christian charities and overlook all other's? That is what PBS seems to believe with their Frontline show, they aired a segment called "The Jesus Factor", in which it was speculated that no Jewish, Muslim, or any non-Christian organizations ever received a penny from the OFBCI and the Compassion Capital Fund. Which of course was denied by gov representative, Jim Towey, appointed by whom? Bush.

Temptation

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 00:52:13 GMT

So what are you? You are not my soulmate, and I am deeply in lust with you but know not who you are, and it is the same with you. I'm not liking the way you are leading your life and you envy my ambitions. I can't help you any more than I already am, so my dear friend I will listen until you depart or I find someone I can really fall into.

Hopeless romantic I am, and you think far too much of yourself, lovely, lovely you.

I come back from a phone call, hearing your voice on the other end, and it really doesn't matter what we are to each other. Nature knows our fates, She knows who we are and why we are pulled towards one another. I didn't trust my instinct before and it lead me towards unhappiness and wishes unfulfilled. Sometimes you simply have to live things even if you suspect they might bring you pain. Pain also has a funny way of carrying joy along with it. I think it is the unprepared and cynical who think the opposite.

Lovesickness

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 16:40:40 GMT

What in the world is my problem? I only wanted a casual friendship sprinkled with intimacy and here I am waiting impatiently for your letter. Two weeks ago you were writting like 5 times a week and this week, only once. I crave to talk to you, to spend time with you. There is so much I want to say, and your opinions matter to me.

Am I making a big deal of nothing? I am trying to make you a boyfriend, because that's what I need to survive.

That is my weakness and fault. Too bad for you.

Times Of Today

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 05:12:06 GMT

Time flows and changes in waves of melodious symphonies.
Symphonies of lives entertwined coming together, coming apart.

That is the inspiring thought of the week folks! And it's all mine, my own damned quote. Eloquance strikes me once in a blue moon, sometimes actually poems come to life. But often I only come up with the firt few lines and must work at the rest. Tonight I am lazy, so a journal entry will have to do.

I love and adore my ex, I don't feel the pull to him as I once did, and my irritation of him is fading away. Things are settling in my soul as we sit and wait for opportunity to show it's golden hand. For money to become more available. A rutt, can sometimes help you figure out your life's purpose and create new dreams.

To all those who are figuratively sleeping, have faith when you awaken, you will know intstead of question.

Astrology predictions

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 23:03:20 GMT

I got an email today from Astrology.com, telling me they could find out who was most likely to win the US presidential elections. And I am left to wonder, does it matter?

It's all setup anyway, it's just a big clown show nowadays, yes you can predict the next president because the govs already know who it is. The people don't elect anymore, everything's been decided long ahead. Bush is no longer popular, they have used him up to their ends, now they need a new figure head, to push some other agenda. These answers are not in the stars, they are in the underground of common politics, full of fraud and manipulation.

Who's really running the US? That's a scary query.

Evil Viral People!

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 06:57:42 GMT

What's wrong with you jerks?

Why con people to download damn worms!!!! I was stupid enough to allow it in, but it was cleverly disguised. Now I'm stuck reinstalling all my software and not being sure if the damn virus has left the tower!

Here's another can of , microsoft firewall and symantek anti-virus programs suck! They interefere with telus, my service provider. And it's not like the XP edition of windows makes it easy to find and delete the damn files. By making a program easier to use for simpletons they made it more difficult for others who know what to look for to operate.... But I guess the Microsoft gods can't give us everyting can they? Yeah I bet they could....

I know this has been said and moaned about for years and years, but we need some competitors people! Willing to improve more on the product.